I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
