So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
