time to smoke my breakfast
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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