dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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