By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
