and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
