He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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