I'm pants shitting drunk right now
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
