there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
