It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
