just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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