During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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