take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
True strength comes from lack of pants
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
