Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
