Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
