420 ftw
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
