I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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