too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
