He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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