yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
