My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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