All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
