It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
