i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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