this beer tastes like vomit already
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
