I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We need to get me chipped asap
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
