I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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