btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
