yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
