I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize