Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
