shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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