I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
