Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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