I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
