I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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