So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
