Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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