..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
