No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Fuck appropriateness.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
