I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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