I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
In America we eat man semen.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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