what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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