I got chris browned last night
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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