your thong is hanging out like whoa
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
