i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
