anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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