I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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