The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
