I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
