this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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