i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
