I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
