Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
