FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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