Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
