She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
