Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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