I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
