if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
