I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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