how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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