The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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