I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
