It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
