i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize