Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
