You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's always time for handjobs
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
