ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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