Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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