I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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