can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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