I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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