Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish my penis had a tongue
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
