saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i out mim tonsoeep
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