you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
