He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
