Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
