I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
