he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize