I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
