Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
