I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize