i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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