well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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