she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
