My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
