Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
