No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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