I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
