I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
