the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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