i already hear my dad disowning me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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