so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
