dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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