they need to just BURY HIM!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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