i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
