I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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