You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
