oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
