Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
dude. I can hear the air.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
