I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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