Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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