Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
