I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
