we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
