I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
